Love Them!

This last month has been crazy. Talk about going a hundred miles an hour in every direction. I feel like just when I have it all figured out things change. It's hard for me to trust strangers with my kids, and even harder to know if the choices that you are making will affect them long term. Is it even good for them that I am so busy? I know that people say that kids are resilient, but how much change can they take. Jaxon has always been a momma’s boy, but lately with me being gone so much he has gotten worse. I think that this is the consent struggle of a working mom. Never truly know if what you are doing is going to harm your children, or if they would have been better off if you had just stayed home. Being a stay at home mom is a hard job too, but the pay is even worse them being a teacher. :) So my internal struggle continues.

Student teaching is a lot of work, and I think that my boys are starting to worry that their mom is going crazy. The reason that I say this is the other day when the boys asked for peanut butter sandwiches for lunch I jokingly told them to make it their selves or wait for me to finish what I was doing. When I walked into the kitchen to make it for them a few minutes later this is what I found.....

Yes spider man costume and all!

Bryson told me that they were trying to help out. They are so cute! I couldn't help but laugh as tears rolled down my face. This sweet little boys were trying to help out their crazy mom who could only think about getting her to-do list done. I decided that I would spend the rest of that day playing with them, because if they were so willing to do what they could for me then I should really return the favor. Sometimes my life gets so crazy that I forget to stop and take in the little things. This was a moment I will be telling their future wife's, and I don't want to be so busy that I don't appreciate how wonderful these moments really are. Enjoy the rest of these picture, because I sure did.

Yummmmm!

Man that was a lot of peanut butter!

Big brother takes charge!

Silly smile! This is the only way that he is smiling now.

So proud that he was able to do it by his self.

Remember 9-11

When thinking about ten years ago today. The feelings that I have are hard to describe, but the one thought that I keep coming back to is hate. I still don’t understand how a group can have this strong of a feeling towards another that they are willing to use people as missiles. Children… To sacrifice the lives of so many over HATE, and to awake the beast that is the USA.



Ten years ago today I was driving to school, and was confessed by what was happening. The news said that there had been an accident, and that a plane and hit the world trade center. Because of my fear of flying I thought I knew that it wasn’t safe to fly. Still there was confusion. What kind of pilot hits a building? Was there fog? Was he drunk? How do you hit a building? I knew that there was something big going on. Once I got to school there was a note on the door that said, “I had a friend inside that World Trade Center. So there will not be class today. Please pray for my friend if you believe in such thing.” This was my only link to what was going on. I didn’t know any one that lived in New York, and as sad as I felt for my Professor I still didn’t really understand. All I knew is that I could go hang out with Brandon. Yeah no class!

By the time I got to Brandon’s apartment things of changed. Another plane had hit the second building, and also the pentagon. My feelings had changed at this point from confusion to fear. I was afraid for the future of America, and for the safety of the four boys that I was sitting next to. They were all talking about taking the terrorist out, and enlisting for the job. I was also mad. How dare this people attach my fellow Americans’, but is war right? Can you solve hate with hate? Or do you just bread hate. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King, Jr. The uncertainty was scarier than the change that was surly to come.

By the time the tours fell. The shock over the loss that people were feeling was emotionally draining. I sat watching the t.v. wishing there was something that I could do. Anything at all… Living so far away all I could do was watch. Brandon held my hand as I cried, because I am a cry baby. Watching the people walk through the ash looking as if they had come from war was heart breaking. Knowing that there was going to be so many people that will never see their loved ones again was awful. Thinking about the loss at the pentagon, and the amazing people that were strong enough to take back the flight 93 was hard to take. The emotions were unbearable.

The theme around that horrible day was confusion, and a quote that I later read gave me a since if peace. Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien said, "It is impossible to fully comprehend the evil that would have conjured up such a cowardly and depraved assault upon thousands of innocent people." The truth of that made me stop and think that I’ll never understand. I can’t because I’m not like that. So to truly understand I would have to go to a dark place, and I don’t want to go there. There is no horror for the lost if we lose ourselves in hate.

While watching the coverage today Bryson asked why anyone would want to hurt others this way. I thought about the best way to answer this for my innocent son, and the only thing that I could think of was I don’t know. I confessed to my son that I don’t have all the answers, and that people make bad decisions. Adding that on September 11,2001 some men made a really bad choice.



I wrote this post so that I will remember. I want to remember all that was lost, and the effect hate can have on life. I want to be able to remember where I was when this happened so that I can teach my children what I learned from that day. I know what I learned is different from others, but learning from the past is how we horror the memories of those that were sacrificed.

9/11 lost (Excluding Hijackers)
Work Trade Center 2,606 (411 First Responders)
American Airlines Flight 11 87
United Airlines Flight 175 60
Pentagon 125
American Airlines Flight 77 59
United Airlines Flight 93 40
Total Lost 2,977
The following are some picture of the memorials. I hope to visit these sites someday so that I can pay my respect for all the lives that were lost that day.

Memorial at the Petagon

Memorial for flight 93

Tear drop tower This looks like a beautiful memorail.

This is what you will now see in the place of the twin towers.

First Day

My little boy is off to school, and I'm so proud of him. He did so well, and he was so excited to go. He is so shy that I worried. I'm still worried, and I'm told that will never stop. On the first day he told me that he was big enough to go alone, and that I could only huge him. He just kept telling me that he was going to be okay. He is such a strong, and beautiful boy. I hope he makes some good friends, and continues to enjoy going to school. It's a joy to be his mom.

Before he went to school he had to ride his bike. He is so excited that he can ride without training wheels. He just keeps growing. He made me laugh when I told him not to grow up any more, because his reply was mom I have too so that I can become a computer genius. Silly boy!

This silly boy also had to get involved. He just had to get his picture taken too. Jaxon is a funny kid. He loves his brother and is going to miss him while he is at school. He doesn't know how to be without him, and was the one who cried when Bryson left for school. That first day he must have asked me ten times when Bryson was coming home. I'm so glad that he loves his brother so much.   I'm blessed to have such amazing kids. I must have done something right!

4th of July

                                 
 The 4th of July is one of our families favorite holidays. We love the parades, and the fireworks. It is usually too hot to be outside for to long, but this year it was overcast and beautiful. The boys had a great time hanging out with their dad, and I just love this picture.

All my boys love candy. Brandon was on the side lines encouraging the boys to get as much candy as they could. They did really well for themselves, and we now have plenty candy.

After the parade the boys played on the bouncy houses at the park. They went up and down this slide at least ten times. Showing off all their skills. It was a great day for everyone.

Date Night

For Brandon's birthday we were able to go to a concert at the Springdale's Amphitheater. We have always enjoyed going to concerts, and have a common love for music. We saw the band Parachuate. They are really good, and an excellent excuse to spend time together.

The singer would jump off the stage, and join the crowd. It was awesome to watch.

It was a really good time. I'm thankful to live close enough to family that we can drop the boys off, and have a night with no kids. Thanks grandma Davi for watching our boys.

Silly Boys

We did a lot of driving up to Salt Lake over the past month, and the boys did really good for the most part. This was them being silly with my sun glasses. It was a small distraction, and really funny to watch them pretend to be their mom. It's was scary how good their imitations of me are.

Small Update!

I've been a bad blogger these past few months. School takes every free minute that I have. Although I am happy to report that I'm down to my last semester. I have my student teacher this fall followed by graduation. After that comes the scary part. I'm going to have to find a job. I hope that it wont be to hard, and that I'll be blessed enough to find a position fast. I'm looking forward to getting my career started, and teaching those wonderful students of my future. I've been in school for sooooooooo long that it will be interesting what life will be like with out the home work. I'm realistic enough to know that I will have to work extremely hard as a classroom teacher, but I'm up for the challenge. I'm soooo ready to be done with school. I plan to return and get my masters, but I'll take a little time off so that I can concentrate on teaching.

Bryson will be starting kindergarten this school year, and I'm so excited for him. He is ready to learn, and he will do great in school. He is going to have a hard time with the change, but I know that he is a good boy and will make it. As for me I'm not so sure. I will probably cry just because he is my baby, and I can't believe that he is already getting so big. He is such a big help with Jaxon, and a great big brother. Although they fight they still have fun together, and make me laugh daily.

Jaxon is a crazy kid that really thinks that he is bigger then he is. If you ask he is five, and will be going to school with Bryson. He is going to have a hard time without him the next two years. He doesn't like being left behind, and Bryson is his best friend. We are going to have to do a lot of fun things together which I'm excited for because it has never been just us two.

Brandon is a hard worker, and gets up every day and travels to Mesquite for work. He has been doing this for three years, because we have to live in Utah while I'm in school. He makes a lot of sacrifices for me and the boys, because he is such a amazing man. One of the things that he does the best is being a dad. His boys love him, and even after a long day he is willing to get down on the floor and play with them. The boys are always excited to see him when he comes home, and he is just as happy. Brandon is nothing but a big kid so he has just as much fun as they do. It's always fun to see them together, and I'm glad the boys have such a great father to look up to.